Stop losing yourself.

Return to your power, no matter what happens to you.

A comment. A silence. A setback. An urge. It feels as if the moment is making you react. It isn’t. What happens sets things off, but your thinking patterns and what your body goes through decide whether you react or respond.

Many people already know this. Knowing it rarely helps when the moment arrives. Changing those patterns while it’s happening is the part no one hands you.

I’m David Zulberg, a certified executive and health coach, consultant, and author, with an MS from Columbia University. I was born in South Africa and am based in New York. I spent twenty years as an executive and consultant in finance and business before coaching became the work, and for more than a decade I have coached private clients, entrepreneurs, and senior leaders, and run habit-change programs. I’ve spent years studying philosophy, psychology, and mindfulness, looking for what is clear and true. What I love most is helping people return to their own power.

Book a 15-minute call How I work

MS, Columbia University
Harvard University, Leadership Coaching
Brown University, ACT Leadership Coaching (in progress)
ACE Health Coach
Executive and consultant, finance and real estate, 20+ years
Workshops and seminars across the United States and South Africa
Bestselling author, The Life-Transforming Diet (Feldheim Publishers)
Author, The 5 Skinny Habits (Rodale Books)

The moments

One of these may be yours.

You sent the message, and the reply did not come. You checked your phone. Then checked it again.

The board meeting went well. At midnight you are still rewriting your answer to the one hard question.

You know the hire was wrong. Saying so means you were wrong, so another quarter goes by.

You promised yourself not tonight. At eleven you are standing at the open fridge, already negotiating.

You got the promotion and were bracing for the next test before the congratulations finished.

Your child is unhappy, and you cannot be okay until they are.

Different people. Different problems. So we treat them as different problems. We analyze the relationship, research the symptom, replay the conversation, argue with the past.

The topic was real. It was almost never the core problem. Underneath, it was the same pattern every time.

Try it now

Try this before you read another line.

1
Think of the thing bothering you most right now. A person. An outcome. Something from the past. A feeling you cannot shake. Hold it for a moment.
2
Your mind will go to the topic. What happened. Why they did it. How to fix it. How to make the feeling stop.
3
Ask a different question instead.

What am I telling myself has to happen for me to be okay?

Listen to what comes back. They have to understand. This has to work out. This feeling has to stop. Whatever follows “has to” is the condition you have attached to the moment, and it was there before you noticed it.

Notice the difference. Your attention moved off the topic and onto what is happening inside you: the story you are telling, the condition you have attached to it, and how your body is carrying both. The topic is often outside your control. What happens inside you is where change begins.

Most of the time, we never make that shift. That is what losing yourself looks like. It rarely feels dramatic. Usually it feels like caring. You check again because you care. You keep explaining because you care. From the outside, you look fine. From the inside, an ordinary day has become a negotiation with your own mind.

And the better you get at solving the topic, the easier it is to miss the pattern. Solve one, and it moves to the next. New person. New job. New worry. Same place.

The method

How the change happens

CRI5, Compassionate Rational Inquiry, brings established psychology, coaching, and philosophy together into a short, practical process you can use while the moment is still happening. Once you know it, it takes a few minutes.

Underneath is a simple map of three Circles. Only one of them is yours to author. Most of what wears us down comes from trying to live in the other two.

1
Find the moment.
We start where you keep losing yourself: the conversation, the decision, the habit, the replay at 2 a.m.
2
See the pattern.
We trace what happens inside you in that moment, in your thinking and in your body, until you can catch it while it is happening.
3
Practice the return.
You use the tools in real situations between sessions, until coming back to yourself is something you do in the moment, not something you think of later.

You can’t make yourself confident, or order yourself to let go, or argue a mind out of replaying. When the pattern underneath changes, those follow on their own. You don’t have to perform them.

How CRI5 works, and its sources →

In their words

What clients and readers say

I initially approached executive coaching with David with a fair degree of skepticism… I have come to realize that many of my preconceived ideas about leadership and myself needed to be challenged.

Rob · CEO, Peregrine Holdings (Pty) Ltd · 25 years in financial services

“His work is a welcome source of guidance for both the professional and the layperson.”

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, MD · Founder, Gateway Rehabilitation Center

“I have seen a major change in my general mood and emotional reactions.”

Sarah · United States

Who I work with

Different doors. The same pattern underneath.

The breakup you cannot stop replaying.Months later you are still arguing with them in your head. The loop, not the love, is what will not end.

The weight that keeps returning.You know what to eat. The block that undoes it was never about food.

The habit you quit every Monday.The habit is not the problem. What it is doing for you is, and willpower was never going to outrun it.

The decision that will not close.You have the facts. You have had them for months. What you do not have is permission to be wrong.

The block in your business.The client you cannot let go of, the hire you keep deferring, the calm you perform in every meeting.

The approval you keep checking for.Reading someone else’s mood to find out how you are doing, and handing them the answer.

One-on-one, for leaders, for teams, and for coaches. Format and fee are set on a 15-minute call.

How coaching works →

Stop losing yourself.

One of these may be yours.

Try this before you read another line.

How the change happens

Find the moment.

See the pattern.

Practice the return.

What clients and readers say

Different doors. The same pattern underneath.

Stop Losing Yourself